“Just relax.”

For many teens, hearing those words when they’re already overwhelmed can feel frustrating and isolating. A teen may be sitting at the kitchen table trying to finish homework while their heart races, their thoughts spiral, and tears build up for reasons they can’t fully explain. From the outside, it might look like stress or overreacting. Inside, it can feel like losing control.

One of the hardest parts about teen anxiety is how misunderstood it often is. Many teens don’t expect parents to fix everything — they just want to feel heard, supported, and understood.

What Anxiety Feels Like for Teens

For some people, anxiety seem like their just “worried” about things, but for many teens, it can feel intense, constant and it seems to be impossible to switch off. Some people may think anxiety is just emotional, but a lot of the times it shows up physically aswell.

• Heart is racing
• Chest is tightening up
• Feeling nauseous
• Feeling a deep pain in your stomach
• Having trouble sleeping
• Feeling shaky or restless

Aswell as physical symptoms, their minds are also overthinking and thinking worst case scenario

• “what if I embarrass myself?”
• ”What if I fail?”
• “What if something bad happens?”

As a teenager, you’ve got to remember it is their first time growing up, feeling new emotions and experiences, so when anxiety is involved it can make a situation feel a lot bigger then it actually is. To some people, these situations may feel normal and manageable, but to a teen who is struggling with anxiety, it can make things feel overwhelming and incredibly hard to deal with.

Why Teens Don’t Always Open Up

Some parents may wonder why their teenager doesn’t simply “open up” and talk about how their feeling. But, the truth is, anxiety is more powerful than people think, it can make opening up for a teen much more difficult.

For some teens, it is the fear of being misunderstood or the fear of thinking their making a big deal out of it. For others, some teens might not have the words to explain how their feeling and the thoughts which are going through their minds. Anxiety can be confusing for a teen who is experiencing it. If you think of it, anxiety is often not taught about growing up, so of course it is going to be confusing and difficult for a teen because they don’t have much knowledge about what they are experiencing.

For some teens, they often don’t want to add stress and worry to their parents, they may be thinking,

• “I don’t have to be a burden”
• “they already have enough to be dealing with”
• “what if they don’t understand”

Some people may think somebody is okay from the outside when they don’t express their feelings, but a lot of the time a teen might not know how to begin the conversation of how they are truly feeling.

Common Misunderstandings

It can be difficult for a parent to know the right things to say when a teen comes to them about their anxiety, but understanding the effects some responses can have, is important so the teen feels heard and understood.

• “It’s just a phase”

Although some situations may not feel as big to the parents as they do for the teen, dismissing is as temporary can make teens feel their struggles aren’t being taken seriously.

• You’re overreacting”

For a teen who experiencing anxiety, it can be intense and the fear feels real. Hearing this can cause the teen to feel unheard and make them less likely to open up about how they are feelings.

• “Just think positive”

Positive thinking by itself won’t help a teen stop their anxiety, teens wish it was that simple. It is about learning healthy coping strategies and understanding anxiety which is done through working on yourself. This may unintentionally make a teen feel like their anxiety isn’t that serious by thinking it is a “quick fix” by just thinking positively.

A lot of the times, their isn’t the perfect answer, rather it is empathy and understanding a teen is looking for.

What Teens Actually Need

As parents, more often than not they want to solve problems, but when a teen comes to you about their anxiety, sometimes it is better to listen without immediately trying to solve the problem,

Teens often need

• A calm, non-judgmental space to talk
• Validation for what their feeling
• Patients while they work through emotions

Simple, short empathic responses can be most helpful

• “I can see this is really difficult for you”
• “You don’t have to explain it perfectly, just do your best”
• “I am here for you”

For a teen opening up about their struggles, making a teen feel emotionally safe can help them create a safer space to open up.

Where Therapy Can Help

Therapy provides a teen with a safe, supportive space where they can openly talk about their struggles and learn more about anxiety and healthy coping strategies to deal with it.

A counsellor can help teens to

• Understand what anxiety is
• Learn healthy coping strategies
• To help overwhelming thoughts and emotions become more manageable.
• Help build confidence when handling stressful situations.

Aswell as helping the teen, counselling can also help improve communication between the teen and parent, this can be done by helping both sides understand each other’s experiences and thought process.

Reaching out and asking for help is not a sign of weakness, it is a step toward getting through a difficult time of life and feeling supported.

Simple Ways Parents Can Respond

When a teen is experiencing anxiety, a hundred different scenarios might be racing through their minds, a parent doesn’t need to have all the answers, instead they must be present in the moment and be empathic with their responses. Small changes in communication can make a big difference.

• Ask open ended questions such as “what’s been feeling the hardest lately?”
• Listening fully before responding, allowing the teen to express their emotions and feeling heard.
• Trying your best to stay calm during emotional moments.
• Empathic responses such as “I’m here you for you,” “we will get through this together.”
• Encouraging healthy support systems, including therapy if needed.

Sometimes all a teen needs is a parent to sit down with them, be present and listen to how they are feeling. Make the teen feel supported and heard, that they are not alone and ye will get through this together.

Conclusion

Understanding that this the first time teens are growing up, experiencing new emotions and life experiences. Anxiety can be confusing and scary for a teen because it may be their first time experiencing this emotions. As a parent, not having all the answers is okay and understandable because it is your first time living as well. Helping a teen through anxiety is being present with them, showing up and being supportive when things are difficult, being empathic and making the teen feel heard, understood and supported.

You can learn more about working with Jamie, contact him or book an appointment here.